you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
