ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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