I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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