what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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