Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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