I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
