i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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