I need help removing her.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
