erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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