i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Randomize
