Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
