how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
