mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
