i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
