Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I love how my cats smell like pot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Someone came in the potted fern
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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