I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
