Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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