Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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