When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
