so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
