So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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