is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
why do cheetos always look like penises
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
