I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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