He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
