Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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