someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
