dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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