You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
