they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
