I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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