I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
