omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
