At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
