I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
it was like having sex with a tree stump
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
