If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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