She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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