I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
