Kiss
Puke
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
