OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
