i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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