handjob tips. give me some.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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