Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
