I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
