Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
