people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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