Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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