Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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