I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
