best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
