The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
