You're completely useless in the revolution.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
