I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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