i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
